Home Is Where You're Normal

(Fill in the Blanks)

The people in this house,
delightful as they are,
surprise me
when they eat _____ with a _____
and finish their meal by _____-ing their _____.
We don’t call that table manners at home.

The people in this house,
friendly as they are,
alarm me
when they call a _____ a _____
and say _____ but mean _____.
We don’t use that sort of language at home.

The people in this house,
pleasant as they are,
worry me slightly
when they answer the door wearing a _____
and leave their _____ on display for all to admire.
We’re considerate towards visitors at home.

The people in this house,
spirited as they are,
give me a funny turn
when they let their _____ _____ all over the _____
and ____ at ____ o’clock in the _____.

The people in this house,
lazy as they are,
have nonetheless been busy
typing messages to their friends.
I read one message and it said:

The guest in our home,
lovely as she is,
gets on our nerves
when she doesn’t use a _____ to eat _____
and doesn’t call a _____ by its normal name
and wears a _____ to answer the door
and ____ a ____ and _____ a _____.
What on Earth goes on in her house?

Jessica Woodward is a writer and librarian from Oxford, UK. Some of her short stories have been published in Double-Decker (Oxford: Bombus Books, 2016). She came second in the SaveAs Writers International Short Story Competition 2017 and has been shortlisted in several other competitions. As well as writing, she loves to knit, play the piano, and read Jane Austen novels repeatedly.