when he tells me that he loves me, i can’t remember where i put my jacket

why can’t i think of all the god things everyone says,
i meant good things. like an answer to everyone's question.
maybe that is a good god thing. he says all the amazing
things. i wonder why i can’t think of any. last night he
quoted a philosopher but i can’t remember which one.
how do they come up with stuff. maybe he didn’t want me
to remember.
i was the one who was supposed to say all
the right stuff at the right time.
like it will rain. it didn’t.
so most of the time i am sitting with an open umbrella,
trying to catch my breath with its wings. unfapped. i realise
that is not a word. last night, when we were in bed,
he shook his head. and then said something nice. or it was
supposed to be nice, i guess. what did he say? ummm.
something about being. being in love, i suppose.
i can’t remember the exact words but i remember a ring.
his hands fidgeting in anticipation. i couldn’t remember where
i kept my keys. and then he waited for me to reply. so we just
sat there in silence until it rained. i didn’t know what was the
right thing to say. except for, i should’ve brought my umbrella.

Tanya "Jade Vine" Singh is an Indian trans, non-binary, panromantic asexual writer, poet and editor. Their work has appeared in Gone Lawn, Minola Review, Polyphony H.S, and elsewhere, and has been recognized by the Times of India and Bow Seat Ocean Awareness Student Contest, among other places. They are the founder & editor-in-chief of The Cerurove, a literary & arts magazine. @TanyaJVSingh

See another of Tanya's poems in 5.3

updated: 9.16.19