A Letter Half Meant to You
Yes, to you. It’s one of the nights that I feel like telling you: it’s your house and I’m just a tenant. Didn’t we become each other’s boyfriend after that supposed one-night stand? You once called me “hard-to-get” but look, I still came and live with you every day. We have shared your house and warmed the bed for almost five years now. Despite this, you still can’t allow me to sit on the rooftop for a better view, for whatever reasons you have. So instead, we didn’t mind the dusty wooden floor and sat at the back porch, the air still and thick, too full of August to breathe properly. Cicadas screamed like something was ending. You sipped your favorite San Miguel beer like it was nothing, like it hadn’t been exactly one year since you were diagnosed with clinical depression. “My big black dog,” you said and shrugged it off. We watch the vast expanse of dark horizon, never obscured by the rooftop of neighborhood houses… I want thunder or something loud enough to match the beating of my chest, but the sky offers stars instead. Then, you pointed out Orion, out of season, and insisted it was him anyway. Neither of us saw its belt, or the infamous Tres Marias, and I laughed because what else was I supposed to do? Needless to say, no words could convince you. And look! That one porch light we have, now buzzed and blinked. You didn’t repair it, no matter how many times I reminded you. It might give up. What about you? We didn’t talk about the prescriptions, your lost appetite, your Chet Baker vinyl collection, or the way that night wrapped around us, but refuses to close in. “It’s not the night to drown ourselves in a river,” you said. There’s no river here, it’s a city, I replied. Later, after you’ve gone to bed and your cat, Bley, curled by the door, I stayed. Just me and the heat and chirr of crickets, not mourning a damn thing. The night held me, strangely bright, almost cruel in its refusal to be anything other than ordinary.
Jefferson Limos is a BA Communication graduate from Urdaneta City University, Philippines. His short stories and personal essays appeared in Circles Magazine, UP KALazine IV, Liwayway Magazine, and Philippine Graphic Reader.