Character
Every now and then life presents you with an opportunity to realize your true inner character. Being far past my prime I thought I knew myself well. During the pandemic, however, I had the chance to learn something important about myself.
I was walking out of Kroger when the person in front of me started dropping stacks of bills on the ground. The person didn’t even notice. They just kept walking and dropping cash. They were far enough away I could have snatched up the money and kept it. However, that is when my true inner character started to shine. My true inner character is a 90’s rapper.
“YO! YO! YO! DUUDDEEE. YOU’RE DROPPING MOOONNNEEEEYYY” I yelled out in a booming voice.
The twelve-year-old that was with the money dropper started laughing hysterically, while I scooped up wads of cash to return to them. The money dropper turned out to be a woman, and she was looking at me in pure terror. Naturally, I made the situation worse by changing back to my standard old lady’s voice.
“Oh, I am sorry. I thought you were a man,” I said.
This is insulting on multiple levels. You look like a man from behind, and I reserve my rapper voice for men.
April Allen is an Appalachian writer with bad knees and a warped sense of humor. She currently works as an engineer for a major telcom. https://aprilsallen.wordpress.com
See more of April's work in 13.3